Welcome to beyond the diamond, the podcast that goes far beyond the game. I'm your host, Danielle de Ruben, and I'm here to empower young women, parents and coaches in the world of fast pitch softball. As the owner and founder of Dear 3, fast pitch and passionate about bringing you inspiring stories, valuable insights and expert advice to help you excel both on and off the field.
So whether you're a player.
Looking to take your skills to the next level, a parent supporting your young athlete or a coach seeking to make a difference, you're in the right place. Let's dive in and go beyond the diamond together. Hey everyone, coach Dee here and thank you for joining this week's episode of Beyond The Diamond. So this week we're going. To veer off of talking about injuries, I have few episodes previous episodes talking about that a little about my journey. There's still so much more I could share about that, but I wanted to dive a little deeper into the life lessons. Beyond the game, because everything that I learned playing the game has made me who I am today, the negative, the positive, everyone who is involved, all the experiences, the adversity I went through has really brought me where I am today and I'm so thankful for this journey. And I wanted to talk about some of the valuable habits that playing softball and stills, and even if you don't even play at the college level, like just what the sport can do. For all athletes, if you let the sport do its thing and what I mean by that is teamwork. One of the reasons why I love the sport. Is the teamwork aspect, but also how it's one of the most failed sports that you. And play and what I mean by that is baseball and softball, I think are two of the greatest sports on planet Earth. Why? Because it's a game of failure and you are failing with your teammates. And so you're not alone. And when you say failure and you're failing with your teammates, I know that comes across as negative, but this game is teaching you how to overcome failure. Because you fail. Way more than you succeed playing this game. The best of the best athletes fail. 6 out of 10 times up a bat, OK, and they're hitting 400. If you understand how batting averages work, if you understand how ERA's work, if you understand how like the steps come together as a whole, it's not just per one game, it's over a long season. We are not perfect. You are going to strike out, you're going to make an error, you're going to let a run across the plate. It's going to happen, but this game is teaching you how to overcome that failure and persevere and grind through some of the toughest moments in pressure situations. That is going to prepare you for life and. Being able to do this with teammates. Is amazing and what I mean by that is you're not alone. So you're learning the independent side of things, but you're also learning of how to come together and that's going to teach you social skills as far as, like, working in the corporate world one day, if that's what you want to do as far as communication skills, raising a family. One day, as far as. Just joining A-Team, no. Matter what I. Always believe that people need to be a part of a team, a part of a group, a part of something. As you need your cup filled up and like for example like in college. Like if you don't play softball in college, you don't have to play. In college. Just because I did, just because some of your teammates do, just because mom and Dad might have played a college sport doesn't mean you have to, because that's a whole nother world. But if you are in college, we do need to get into some kind of group or community. So you have like. A support system and when it comes to softball like those girls are my sisters on and off the field, they're my softball sisters now. I've been out of the game, I haven't played since 2019. I could pick up the phone and call honestly. Any one of my teammates? Since like the 8th grade and I know they'd answer the phone and if they didn't answer, I know they'd get back to me. And that means a lot to me. Knowing that even if I haven't talked to some of my teammates in a couple weeks, a couple months, a couple of years, knowing that they'd still be there for me, I mean, that's a relationship that people like would do anything for. And I'm so grateful that this sport has brought me those relationships and brought me. Those amazing people in my life because. Like I wouldn't. Have been able to go through everything without them. I want y'all. To just know that the importance of playing this game. Number one is to have fun. If you're not having fun, then what are you doing and what I mean by that? If you're not having fun, going to practices. If you're not having fun going to games. If you're not having fun training on your own, then this. Might not be the sport for you. And that doesn't mean you have to be training to play at the college level. If that's not what you want to do, doesn't mean you have to be training like an A level ball travel ball player. If that's not. What you wish, but if you have goals set for yourself and if you want to achieve those goals, we need to be 1 consistent. To discipline. 3 driven because how are you going to reach those goals otherwise? And one of the things that I'm thankful for is learning through my teammates, and if they fail, like, how do they pick themselves up if I fail, how do I pick myself up? And so I just wanted to kind of touch on that subject a little bit because. There's so many life lessons that you can learn through your teammates, time management skills, work ethic, skills, overcoming challenges by playing this game and not giving up on the game. If you love it. I am begging you to not give up, but find something that can bring. That love back for you. And I'll share a little personal story. When I hung my cleats up, I've talked about that in the previous episode. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But it was also one of the easiest things I had to do. The reason why I say it was one of the hardest was I was not done with this game. I love this game. I always loved this game, but I hit a breaking point in my mental game and even in my physical body and that breaking point really sent me over the edge to where it was the. Easiest decision. But I also had peace knowing that I had 14 years of playing this game. I had peace knowing about the relationships that I built. I had peace knowing that my softball sisters respect my decision, understand my decision, empathize with my decision, or here for me, no matter what. Whether I'm on the field with them or off the. Field with them and. Knowing that I had my parents support once I made that decision and they finally understood kind of where I was coming from, I felt that peace being done with the game. But I also wasn't done with the game, and that's where again, DR3 came into play. But. The life lessons that. I've learned has transformed me into the coach that I am and to the person that I am into the future of life, that I'll be one day into the future. Mother, I will be one day and I can't wait for that time of my life and. I'm able to hang the cleats up with not many regrets. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a few regrets, but OK and, like, come on. I'm a competitive athlete. There's a couple things I wish I could change about my journey. Let's be honest. But at the end of the day, I'm. So thankful for. It and I want you all to hold on to the moments that you're in, because I took so many of these moments. For granted when I was 14 years old, when I was 18 years old, when I was 21, I wasn't truly thinking about the life lessons that I was learning and the relationships that I was building until that time was up. And says something that I share with a lot of my girls is to live in the moment. To live your dream and if you're not having fun doing it, then it's time to reevaluate. And parents, you need to listen to your daughter too. And as much like I tell my girls all the time, if pitching is not for you. Then I am going to still be your #1 fan on and off the field. If softball is not for you, I will be your #1 fan off the field. I will love you no matter what decision you make, but I don't want you to make this decision because mom and dad want you to, because coaches want you to because you think I want you to. I. Am here to empower you. I'm here too and still confidence in you. I am here to support you. I'm here to mentor you. But I'm not here to force you. And I make that clear with all the girls that I'm working with because I know the content that I share is next level. I've researched for months and years on providing my girls with the most excelled content. Pitching wise. And if they're not willing to put the work in, I'm not going to force them to. And I'm not going to force. Mom and Dad to pay. For services, if my girls are not willing to put that effort in and I don't say that in a meaner, negative way, cause I understand these girls are going through a lot and I understand that the puberty process is a lot. I understand that you're just dealing with a lot. So sometimes you show up to a lesson or you show up to a practice and you're not giving it 100%. But I got to make sure my girls still love the game 100% because if you don't love it, then what are you doing? What are you doing? Wasting your time. And what are you do wasting your money? Parents, what are you doing? Wasting your time and your money. If you can tell that your daughter doesn't love the game, you can't force this on anyone. You just can't. And when you force it. These girls make it like a job. And yes, at some point in your life, softball will be a job, especially if it's paying for your school. It's a different subject I'm talking about when you're like in high school or middle school and parents are forcing. Roles on their daughter. And they're struggling with them. And so their life lessons that they're learning is like, I'm forced to do something I don't like. I'm forced that if I don't do this, then I'm a failure in my parents eyes. If I don't do well on my pitching lesson, then I like, I'm going to go to bed tonight with all these negative thoughts in my head. Like, that's not the vibe that we. Need to be giving our girls. And it's going to ruin the life lessons that they're going to learn beyond the game and. I'm emphasizing that because I never once had to deal with my parents. Bashing me for my performance. I mean for instance, like my senior year of high school, I was up to bat. My college coaches coach Tory and coach Kat were sitting behind like the press box or the box, whatever it was called behind us. And they they're watching the game. I saw them when I was in the on deck circle and or. Yeah. On deck circle and. I was up to bat and first pitch was the ball second pitch I just whipped, completely whiffed, and my tad goes well, can't get worse than that. Make contact. Swing hard. You hit it like swing hard in case you hit it. And I just started cracking up and they started cracking up and it was just one of those moments of like. I'm 18 years old, like I just totally whipped at that ball. Alright, let's just laugh it off and move on and then up. Getting a base hit once. I just kind of giggled through how embarrassing it was. Just totally whiff at this pitch that I just pulled my head off cause I was trying to do too much. I was trying to impress. I was trying to play the game too hard and. That's just some like in that moment I realized, OK, this is just a game. Like have some fun. Like I'm already signed or I'm already verbal. And I was going to sign. In like a week. Or two, and it was just one of those moments to have fun. And it just reminded me that I'm so thankful for my parents because. Like as a coach. I helped coach a travel ball team in the. Past two years. I would hear parents like. Come on. Eyes on the ball. Come on. Keep your shoulder and like just screaming physical mechanics at these girls like aggressively. I'm like, how are they going to love this game and how are they going to understand how to overcome failure when you're chirping in their ear? 24/7 Why they're playing? Like what? Life lessons are you teaching your daughter like anything that she's does wrong? You have to yell at. It comes across negative like how is she going to look at herself in the mirror when she goes to bed at night? Men, by the way, and again, I'm not trying to single out men and women, but men. You got to remember that US women, the way that we understand emotions and the. Way that we take. Things is we're more sensitive than y'all, OK? We are more sensitive. We feed off emotions. Men don't feed off emotions. Not typically. OK. Us females. We feed off emotions. We feed off tone of voice. We feed off body language. We respond based off those things. And if you're attacking, attacking like, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of being aggressive like I was an aggressive ballplayer. I'm an aggressive coach, but the way that I'm aggressive as a coach is empowering my girls. Like if I ever grab someones face mask, it's not screaming at their face, it's me grabbing it and it's telling them like hey, you got this. I believe in you believe in yourself. This is your time to shine. You've worked your **** off for this moment and go get it I believe in. Let's go. That's something I would say if I grabbed a face mask. I don't even know if I've grabbed someone's batting or batting helmet before. Like that face mask on the helmet. Like, I don't think I've ever done that. But I do know I've gotten some of my girls faces my older girls, and empowered the crap out of them because I knew that's what they needed right now. They didn't need mom and dad. Chirping on the side. They needed someone to tell them that I believe in you and let's. Go and then they go kick **** in the game because they're also reminding themselves, like I got this. And that's the life lesson I want to teach girls. Those are some life lessons that I want them to understand as far as overcoming challenges and teamwork and how to do that for each other. And I would tell my 18, you girls, I'd be like, look, she needs a little love right now. You know her well enough. You played with her for three. Or four years. By now go up to her. Whoops, some sense into her, and let's go. Like let's. Have some fun. That girls are even at this age, some. Or this generation. Excuse me, I feel like we're sensitive to like, say, stuff because we're sensitive for, like, how our teammates feel. I would rather my teammate rip my head off than my coach ripped my head off, or my parent all day long. Why? Because I'm going to listen. To you a. Little bit more why? Because you're a peer to me. You're not an adult to me. You're appear to me. I'm going to listen to you. If you're going to tell me to get my head out of my **** cause it's affecting the team. It's affecting, it's affecting my teamwork, it's affecting the team culture that's going to wake me up, because that's going to embarrass me a little bit more. And those are lessons that you can learn beyond the game. If you are empowering that during the game.
So I.
Got on a little tangent on that. I just wanted to really talk about. How things that you can say and how you treat your daughter, how you treat your teammates, how you treat your players can really affect. How they feel about this game once the game is done? And it's really sad to me because there's so many amazing teammates that I have. They're out all the years, 14 plus years of playing that I would love for them. They don't have to just work for DDR3, but I would love if they wanted to, to have them on my team. And there's so many girls who are just, like, done with softball. Why? Because coaches ruined it for them. Why? Because parents ruined it for them. Why? Because the game is just, like broken, and their eyes right now, because of how they're. Experience ended. And it's been a couple of years for us now. I graduated in 2020 and quit playing in 2019. Some girls are still recovering from that. They're trying to move on with their life and that's totally fine. I respect that. But I hate that the thought of softball like I hate it to my core, that the thought of softball makes them sick to their stomach to this day. It makes me so upset because I know there's so many amazing memories with them. Personally, I know they have so many more amazing memories. But they can't. They have to block that side of their lifeout because it. Was just a hard time for them. The life lessons that they learn in softball, I know they still bring some of those in their daily life because I know these girls and I know I know their hearts. But it just breaks mine. Knowing that softball is like a total back burner because of how. They were treated or how they felt that they were treated. Playing this game, whether it was through parents, whether it was through coaches. And I really hope this message at the end of the day. Is empowering you all to understand that what you are pouring into your girls right now? We'll stick with them post softball? We'll stick with them in their adult life. We'll stick with them when they have kids. We'll stick with them. How they're going to parent the next generation. We'll stick with them on. If they do coach how they're going to coach, they're coaching skills. Because we learned through. And I'm just so thankful again from the life lessons I've learned. I've learned the positives, and I've learned the negatives. And I've learned what not to do. And I've learned what to do to be successful, and I'm thankful so, so, so thankful for that opportunity. And I just really really hope. That if you feel like you're in a negative headspace, or if you feel like you can relate to any of these topics that I talked about that we find a way to flip the script and you find a way to really do some soul searching and OK, what do I need to do is that switching teams. Not because I'm a quitter, but because I need to focus on my mental health more. Is that new coaches having to OK, let me reflect on myself in the mirror a little bit because I don't even know how my. Actions are making these girls feel. Do I need? To ask my girls like, hey, what are things that I can do better as a coach to make this team? What can I do better as an organizational owner to help manage? All you coaches a little bit more is it involving coaching clinics? Is it bringing in a third party? To help provide these, is it doing more mental toughness training for coaches that they do for players? Like if I was an organizational owner, which I don't plan to be anytime soon, but if I was. Like my coaches would go through, like monthly or bimonthly mental training sessions. And I would be hosting those and it would be part of the organization that they need to incorporate XYZ activities or XYZ topics with their girls minimum once a month, preferably once a week, especially if they're practicing twice a week. Minimum 15 minutes maximum 30 minutes. It doesn't need to be much longer. Than that. And the reason why is because we have to be training the brain and coaches. You have to be training the brain, not just your players, you have to. You have to be learning about the resources that you can provide for your girls. You have to learn your communication skills. You have to learn how to deal with parents in certain situations and how to have team rules and how to enforce the rules and how to build a team culture. Because I know that's what everyone's end goal is is to have a wonderful team, a great team, physically, a great team, mentally, a great team emotionally because that's what fills our cup. That's how we do what? We do is because we love the game, we love the people that we're around. We love sharing knowledge as coaches, girls. If you're playing, I'm assuming it's because you love the game. I'm assuming because every Saturday and Sunday you want to be at the ball field for 12 plus hours. That's what my assumption is if you're. Putting your body through that otherwise. Why are you doing it? It should be fun, and if it's going to be fun then we need to invest in ways to make it more beneficial for these girls and for you coaches. So we're building a stronger life and not just a stronger team for one year. And so I really hope. That you coaches buy into this a little bit more parents. I hope you have your eyes open as to kind of what to look for like within your daughter and within teams and within programs and organizations because again, I know not everybody has resources. But hello, I would love to work with you. I do virtual stuff. I do virtual mental toughness trainings for teams. I love doing those. I've done a handful of those. I do one. On one mental toughness sessions, I've done coaching, mentorship calls, and I don't advertise all that stuff on my website. There's a few mental toughness stuff on my website and I'm about to be launching to brand new mental toughness courses which I'm so excited about. And I have some resources I can also connect you to other resources as well, but reach out to me because this is something like if I'm going to change the game, this is how I'm going to change it is empowering. To understand the mental side of the game, because the mental side fuels the physical side and everybody wants physical tips, physical tips, physical tips, pitching, hitting, catching. Yes, that's a huge part of the game. Yes, that is the game. But how, what your mindset is and how you communicate and building relationships, I mean, that's the stuff that you're going to hold on to. For the rest of your life. Not how to swing. That properly or how to I don't know. I mean yes, that's important. OK. But as far as like what you're going to carry on outside of softball is everything that you're going to learn on the mental side of the game and the emotional side of the game. And that's what you're going to hold on to life lesson wise beyond the game. Kaya. So thank you for tuning into this week's episode of Beyond The Diamond. I went on a little tangent. When I'm doing these podcasts, I don't have notes in front of Maine. I'm just truly speaking from my heart, speaking from. Ideas that are flowing in my head and I would love to feature a few more questions on next week's episode. If there's any questions or topic ideas. If you go to the home page of DR3 fastpitch.com. If you Scroll down a little bit, there's a little form that you can fill out. I would love to give your girls a shout out if something amazing happened with your team this past weekend. I would love to do that on next week's episode. I would love to specifically dive deeper into a certain topic. If you're a guest. If you'd love to be a guest on my show. And be interviewed. Feel free to post it in there. I'd love to collaborate with you. I'd love to talk with you. I'd love for us to share wisdom together, and I want to just really grow and empower this game as much as possible. That is my goal. That is my dream. I love what I do. And I really hope that I can influence at least one person by listening. To this podcast. So again, thank you so much for tuning into this week. I will see you soon. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Beyond the Diamond Connect with us on all social media platforms, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok and YouTube at do 3 fastpitch. But Instagram is my biggest platform where I post daily content.
For questions or?
Topic ideas visit our website dearthroughfastpitch.com and submit the form on our homepage. I would love to feature you on our next episode. Remember, you can find all of our episodes on Apple Podcast, Spotify and on our website dearthroughfastpitch.com. Stay tuned for more exciting discussions, stories and insights in the world of fast pitch softball. In the next episode of Beyond the Diamond until then, remember the only thing that matters is the next pitch. Deep breath, next pitch I will. See you soon.
