Why Your Daughter’s Game-Day Nerves Are Actually a Good Thing

If your daughter gets nervous before games, let me start by saying this clearly:

That does not mean she’s weak.
That does not mean she’s unprepared.
And it definitely does not mean something is wrong with her.

Pressure shows up because athletes care.

And caring is a good thing.

One of the biggest misconceptions I see as a coach is the belief that confidence means calm. That confident athletes don’t feel nerves. That if your daughter’s heart is racing or her stomach is in knots, she must not be ready.

That simply isn’t true.

Every competitive athlete — even at the highest levels — feels nerves. College All-Americans feel it. Professional athletes feel it. Olympic athletes feel it. The difference isn’t whether nerves show up. The difference is what athletes do when they feel them.

Why Pressure Shows Up

Pressure is your body’s way of preparing to perform.

When your daughter feels nervous, her nervous system is activating. Her heart rate increases. Her awareness sharpens. Her body is getting ready for something that matters. That response doesn’t mean danger — it means importance.

The problem isn’t the nerves.
The problem is when athletes don’t know how to work with them.

Too often, athletes are taught to fight nerves, suppress them, or pretend they don’t exist. That usually leads to panic, overthinking, or emotional shutdown.

Instead, we want to teach athletes to recognize nerves for what they are: energy.

Calm Isn’t the Goal — Control Is

I want to reframe something for parents here.

The goal on game day isn’t for your daughter to feel calm. The goal is for her to feel controlled.

Calm can feel passive. Control is empowering.

When an athlete feels in control, she can:

• Regulate her breathing

• Slow the moment down

• Focus on what she can control

• Stay present under pressure

That’s where performance lives.

What Parents Can Do to Help

One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is normalize nerves.

Instead of saying:

• “Just calm down”

• “Don’t be nervous”

• “You’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about”

Try language like:

• “It makes sense that you feel this — this matters to you”

• “You’re prepared for this moment”

• “Focus on the next play”

These small shifts matter more than you realize. They tell your daughter that her feelings are valid — and that she has tools to handle them.

The Takeaway

Pressure doesn’t mean your daughter is failing.

It means she’s invested.
It means she cares.
It means she wants to do well.

Our job as coaches and parents isn’t to eliminate pressure — it’s to teach athletes how to work with it.

When we do that, nerves stop being the enemy… and start becoming an advantage.